I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
