I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
