DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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