There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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