the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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