WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
