It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
