May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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