her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
