I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
