ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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