I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
