so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Two words: blizzard sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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