I am full of burrito and curiosity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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