life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
