he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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