I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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