You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
