The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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