so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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