Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
