Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
