everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
