barbara walters just said penis...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
