im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
