he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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