so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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