Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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