Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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