At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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