chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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