Your dad touched me again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
