UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
