There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
