You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Green mimosas i think yes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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