I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
