Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
