We're facebook friends in real life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
