ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
