you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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