My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
