Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
