He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
