Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
