I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
