K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
