I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
