2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
