Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
