My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
