she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
