I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
